When I was working in retail, people would always ask how I was. I knew they were just asking to be polite, but if I was having a particularly bad day, sometimes I’d ask them if they wanted the real answer or the right answer.
I didn’t think much of it at the time, because it was my teenage angsty way of not-so-subtly expressing myself, but it was epitomal of the struggle that many of us face every day—saying what we think, and saying what we’ve learned to say.
This is something I’ve always struggled with. Much like Pam of the Office, I hate the idea that anybody out there would hate me, and that I might be disappointing people, so I’m careful about what I say and do. But I think this is something I’m finally figuring out.
Honestly, I’ve been feeling a little uninspired when it comes to this, my beloved brainchild, and its Instagram page. I can’t even tell you how many times in the last two months poor Shane has heard me say that I have no idea what to write, or that I feel like I just keep taking the same pictures and I can’t think of anything creative for them.
I think this feeling is because I’ve gotten caught up in the shoulds and musts of creative work, and because I’ve struggled with the idea of doing what I think I should be doing, instead of what I want to do.
But why have I gotten caught up like that?
Well, to tell you the truth, I was let go from my job in November last year. It was one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with.
I was a full-time writer and social media coordinator there, spending my days learning every possible trick in the book and making grand plans for what we could do better. None of those plans ever came to fruition, because they were either vetoed or put into a bureaucratic loop from whence they never emerged.
When I was let go, I spent months believing that I was the problem; maybe I didn’t have the right skills to do the job I wanted to do. It took a long time—and many reminders from my wonderful boyfriend and family—for me to recognize that the company itself had said that my being let go had nothing to do with me or my work; it was simply a company decision.
In that time, while I was still healing, I threw myself into this blog. I got caught up in worrying about not being good enough, not saying the right thing—when I should have been worrying about saying the real thing, if I had to worry at all.
I projected all the negativity about losing my job into something I designed to be fun.
It became the recipient of every bright idea I’d had, every inspiration, every brilliant marketing tactic I’d learned about. It became my way of trying to prove to myself and the world that I could do it right.
In doing that, I forgot what this is really about.
This blog, and all the hard work I put into it, is about sharing experiences, fun, and inspiration with people who, like me, maybe don’t give people the real answer the first time. With people who know what they love, and want to share it. With people who believe in the creativity of the mind, and how things like gaming affect that creativity.
It’s about encouraging honest discussion.
It’s not about throwing content into people’s faces, marketing tactics, or any of that.
That’s why, over the next little while, I’m going to be going back to basics with this blog. I’m in a very different place from where I have been for the last two years, and I think it’s time to reflect that. I believe the changes will be good, and I’m hoping they’ll help me free up some time to work on bigger things.
Unlike that stream page I made and then totally neglected, though, I’m going to play my cards close to my chest until they’re ready!
Here are some of the things I’m going to be changing:
This will probably be the biggest change that you’ll notice, and it’ll apply to both this site and my Instagram page.
The present website design was inspired by a project I found on Behance, and was what I thought would embody the overall feel for the Girly Geek. It’s a bit too business-y for me, though, so I’ll be adjusting it to reflect more of my personality!
I’ll be working on this change on Wednesday this week, so bear with me!
I’ve also been working on changing up the look for my Instagram page, which you’ve likely noticed over the last few days. This is inspired by one of my biggest influencers, Maiden of Warfare, who is honest and straightforward in a way I hope to be.
Right now, I’m posting on this blog twice a week, on Tuesdays and Fridays, and on Instagram every day.
To allow more time to work on each post, and to help avoid the rush for topics, I’m going to be going back to posting here once a week on Tuesdays starting this week. I’ll also be spacing out Instagram posts a bit more, although that will probably start early next week.
I just want to thank you all for being here, and I hope you’re as excited about the changes as I am! It means a lot to me that I’ve had such a steady support system through this, and I’m looking forward to making things even better.