As I started figuring out what I wanted to do for a stream, one of the biggest questions I struggled with was whether I wanted to be on camera for it or not. See, I’m kind of used to being on camera all day, even when I’m not looking my best, because of work—but somehow it felt different being on camera for a stream.
It actually wasn’t all that different from how the early days of my social media accounts was all flatlays and images that did not involve myself being present at all. It just felt odd to present myself online in such a broad way when I didn’t know what was out there.
I ended up going back and forth on a few ideas for the stream. Did I want to try streaming with a webcam and some filters? Did I want to try out a greenscreen? Did I want to aim the webcam somewhere else, maybe at my hands as I was gaming?
Then I discovered VTubing.
At first, I wasn’t sure on the idea of using a virtual avatar for streaming. I’m not sure what it was; a combination of hearing friends more involved in the Twitch world speak about it in a bad sense, and one experience of someone in a massive work meeting using more or less a Snapchat avatar and it was just the weirdest thing in that setting.
I was a little interested at the same time, though, because it presented a way for me to stream without worrying about being on camera, so I looked into it a bit.
Then I discovered that they also have personalities, and that became a whole other thing. I already get stressed out with things like roleplaying in D&D games because I feel pressure to fit exactly what I had in mind for my character, and if I miss that by even a little bit, I get frazzled and forget what I’m doing and then it gets harder to get back on track.
I’m not sure what changed, but I guess at some point, I decided to just try it out and see how it was. It couldn’t be that bad.
And as I’ve been getting more familiar with it, here’s what I’ve found that I actually really like about the idea of VTubing.
It takes a lot of pressure off.
Yeah. I was worried it would apply pressure, but it actually ended up taking a lot away from me.
See, there’s a wild amount of expectation that gets placed on women online. You see it on social media, where we can’t help but compare ourselves to models. You see it in streaming, where women face the risk of low numbers if they don’t wear facefuls of makeup and lowcut tops.
That’s too much for lil old me.
So I really like that instead of stressing that, I can just boot up an avatar that I admittedly tried to design to look like an anime version of myself, and roll with it even if I’m not looking my best. It’s made it much easier for me to get brave and actually stream.
It’s a good way to get creative.
Much like my obsession with glamours and outfits in games like Final Fantasy XIV, I’ve discovered how fun it can be to express myself through my avatar’s design and look. At first, it was in how I did her hair, but it did grow into figuring out ways to create fun outfits, too.
I still need to figure out proper designing so I can recreate some of my favourite glamours, but we’ll get there. I’m just intimidated right now by the idea of drawing highlights and shading to make the fabric look real!
It’s taught me some neat stuff.
So this isn’t necessarily something that would apply to everyone, but I did end up designing my (second) VTube avatar myself, and that meant that working with an avatar involved learning some neat stuff.
The first major lesson was in how to draw and arrange hair that looked reasonable. It actually wasn’t that bad, but took a bit of getting used to because of how the software I was using mapped things out. I did get confused on which mesh went where a few times, but we got there!
After that, the big thing was learning how to rig the model to work properly with tracking software. Luckily, I didn’t have to do a ton with the face, but I did need to figure out how to work with bones and gravity for the hair I’d designed. It took a few tries, but I’m happy with the end results.
So there you have it—why I didn’t love the idea of VTubing at first, and why it grew on me.
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